Ever listened to women sit around and bitch about men? It’s a fascinating exercise because, usually…they are right!

Most guys ARE stupid when it comes to women, and have no interest in getting smart. But that can be a huge benefit to you.

If you’re a cool guy to women, they’ll like you and be attracted to you. And if you’ve paid attention to my daily episodes, you’ll know that’s really not that difficult to do. But for some men, it must seem like taking a rocket to the moon.

The cool guy is NOT the norm with women. In fact the whiney, bitchy, flakey, needy, narcissistic, obsessive guy is more the norm than the cool guy.

So, if you go out with a woman or a group of woman and you’re not the “typical guy,” suddenly they view you in another light. They confide in you. They tell you stories about other men. And you get to see how dumb most men really are.

When you’re “not” the other guys, you become “different,” and women will start to become attracted to you. You’re not the whiney baby, not the nice guy, not the blatant jerk, you’re something out of the ordinary.

And when you’re known to women as “out of the ordinary,” suddenly different rules apply. They call you and ask you to come over. They text you to see what you’re doing. They tell you about their latest adventure with a new idiot. And they are always happy to come hang out with you and do things they’d never do with a typical guy.

Study what other men do, and subtly sell against it. Sell against it by first not doing it, but secondly by telling stories about other men who do, categorizing them as idiots. You will quickly have women agreeing with you, thus elevating you over other men.

Josef Stalin, of all people, actually had a name for such men: “useful idiots.” And while you’re certainly not using them in the same context Stalin did, you get the picture. Other men ARE useful idiots because they do things that make you look good without even trying.
Women admire a man who is calm, cool, collected, and patient. You don’t have to tell them you have all these traits because you sit back, let other, lesser men do the work, then step in for the rewards.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

When it comes to appreciating the physical attributes of women, we, as men are pretty boring. Why? Because we all pretty much like the same thing, with some variations.

Butts? Yep. Boobs. Yep. Shapely legs? Yep. A pretty face? Yep. Nice smile? Yep.

Sure, there are guys who are into things like feet (Rex Ryan?), but for the most part, we all like the same thing.

But women, ah, women are different. Different women find different things on a man attractive or women find something physical on a man attractive that no man would ever think of.

Of course you have to create chemistry with a woman in order for her to be attracted to you. But if you have something physical you can feature, something a bit unusual, you can often catch a woman’s attention, and easily build attraction from there.

Now, I’m not talking about doing something dumb like putting a potato in your underwear (back or front for those of you familiar with the old joke). What I am talking about is dressing in a way that features something physically attractive about you women would pick up on.

For example, I have very blue eyes. Can’t see worth a damn out of them, but women love them. So, if I dress in a blue shirt, it brings out the color of my eyes and women love it. Obviously I didn’t figure this one out for myself, women told me (and I listened).

Another odd example has to do with my receding hairline. For whatever reason, many women have told me not to shave it off completely or restore it (I am not vain enough to do either). They say it looks perfect on me the way it is. Odd when compared to conventional wisdom, but I’ll believe it.

I have had women say they find my forearms very sexy. And two days growth of facial hair equally sexy. Why? I have no idea whatsoever, and I don’t think they do either. They see it, and find it attractive. So, I do my best to feature it.

Doubtless you have similar physical qualities, things you would never consider attractive, yet to women they are. So, ask some of the women in your life, then ask them to help you wear the right clothes (even jewelry) to accentuate these hidden physical attributes.

No, featuring them will not bring you that one special woman, but they just might start a conversation with her…then you have to take it from there.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

I have a friend who’s pretty good with women of a certain genre. He targets women in their late 30’s to early 40’s, recently divorced, who hang out in suburban bars.

The men who inhabit those bars are usually married, recently divorced, and out of shape. They try to meet women by impressing them with cars, money, houses, etc., the same rap that all these women have already heard.

My friend is in good shape, a decent dresser, and moderately skilled at attraction. But he is the King of that bar because he has little true male competition, the women are going there to meet men, and they are all a little desperate.

He is the classic big fish in a small pond, and currently happy. By one measure, he is successful, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with how he operates.

However, if you were to put him in a big pond, with big fish, and very high quality women, he would do poorly. His current skill set won’t allow him to succeed.

So, there are two options here, and neither is really right or wrong. He can stay as a big fish in his small pond, succeeding with a certain class of women.

Or, he can go to work on his skill set, get out of his small pond, and get his ass kicked in a big pond for awhile. The key here is, for awhile. Because while he is getting his ass kicked, he is also learning and growing. He is growing from a small fish in a big pond to a big fish in a big pond.

And when he finishes growing, he will be in the big leagues. He will have a superior skill set to almost any other man he goes up against, and he will have his choice of the highest quality women, whether for fun and adventure or something more serious.

So, the question he has to ask himself is, is he willing to pay the price, willing to trade a level of success for temporary failure to ascend to a higher level of success?

Neither decision is the wrong one. In fact, I think it’d probably be better for him to stay where he is, because while he will work, he’s not the hardest worker on the planet.
But if I were in his shoes, I’d make a different decision. The rare rewards in life come from going through the mind numbing failure of learning to be a big fish in a big pond, and to me the rewards are worth the price.

The question is, are they to you? Only you can answer that…but the biggest fish are always the most admired and sought after.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

There is an old, important saying, “the hole you give through is the hole you receive through.” And while I am certainly no metaphysical, new age guy, when you make it a point to give, the universe really does reward you many times over.

Now, I am not talking about false giving with the intent to get, nor am I talking about the feel good nonsense of “let’s give it all away to those less fortunate.”

Neither of these are true giving because the intent is to get something in return, either something material, or a feeling of superiority over others because you gave and they couldn’t (lots of that going around).

No, what I am talking about is simply giving someone or some organization you deem worthy something you think will either improve their life, or make them happy. It’s not done to show off, it’s done simply to give.

For example, I have friends I send bottles of whiskey I think they’d enjoy, good cigars, and at times introductions to others with no compensation expected I know will improve their lives.

I make it a point to tip generously, unless the service was exceptionally lousy. I pick up the entire tab at dinner on occasion, instead of splitting up the bill. And I like to give the women in my life things I know will make them happy in the moment.

And what is the result? It seems I receive things out of nowhere, and it seems I attract business because of it. You see, giving is a very attractive trait.

The hole you give through really is the hole you receive through, and if you look at most people who are broke, alone, and unhealthy, they are miserly. They never give without scheming to get something in return, never show any generosity, always demand to know what others are going to do for them.

I do not associate with such people, and if someone is not a true giver (meaning they give honestly as described above) I ease them out of my life. They are not attractive, they are repulsive, and I only want people who attract things in my life.
You can give regardless of your income level. Giving is not necessarily financial—you can give your time, your advice (if asked for), and your good humor, and that counts. People start to see you as a truly giving person, and you start to attract things in your life.

So, make your “giving hole” big. You will discover that, somehow, your receiving hole has gotten even bigger as a result. I can’t explain how or why the universe works this way, I can only report that it does. Give honestly, and ye shall receive.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

It is amusing to me how far a certain subset of each sex delves into fantasy land. Witness, for example, a female fantasy I see quite a lot, especially if you peruse any dating site:

“Overweight, 37 year old recently divorced woman with three kids wants to meet tall, handsome, financially successful, one woman man, friends first. No games.”

Damn, I guess if you’re going to dream, dream big, huh? And how many of you fellas on that list would be interested in that woman?

Not a one, I would imagine. And why would you? If you’ve paid close attention to what I teach, you can choose the women you really want, and I’m only 100% sure that would fit none of your descriptions of your ideal.

But men have a fantasy too, and it goes something like this: “Sweet, kind, sensitive nice guy wants to meet a woman who will love me for who I am, think about me and only me, and who will always be a good girl who adores me.”

Fat damn chance, huh? Notice I didn’t necessarily say, “hot, sexy woman, or bad girl, or anything like that.” If you’re an attractive man, meeting a hot, fun, sexy, wickedly smart bad girl who can play the good girl to male buffoons in public ain’t a fantasy—it’s a choice.

It is instructive to read both the male and female fantasies back to back. What you have to understand is, the reaction the female fantasy produces in you is the same reaction the male fantasy produces in women.

Now, to be clear, not all women have the above fantasy, just a subset. There are many women who live, breath, and eat in the real world, having gotten over fantasies a long time ago, and those are the women you want to meet.

BUT, you have to understand many of these women have met a lot of “nice guys” who have the above fantasy, and have no time for them. You cannot in any way, shape or form appear as one of them, or you will have no happy ending with her (to misuse a phrase).

Attraction takes place in the real world, and you have to embrace it instead of fight it. Most men live in fantasy land, and die there in the end. But if you live in the real world you can, actually, get what you want with women…and they can get what they really want from, just not in the way the story is usually told.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

I am, at heart, a free market guy. If there’s a market for something that’s not socially destructive, with a buyer and a seller, I’m for it with minimal regulatory interference.

Of course, “socially destructive” means one thing to one person, and quite another to another, and that’s where controversy starts.

And while I’m not going to get into that controversy in this venue, I do want to give you a bit of advice about dealing with women on a “transactional basis.”

What do I mean by “transactional?” Simply this: you are trading money for affection (that can be anything from an erotic chat line to a full on prostitute with everything in between) and when the money ends, so does the affection.

Many guys fall into this trap, paying for strippers, hookers, and escorts, turning their relationships with these women into nothing but transactions.

Here’s the issue with that: it starts changing the way you think about women, view women, and connect with women. Men who deal with women on a transactional basis soon find they’ve lost their skill to create attraction.

The truth is this: give women what they want, and they’ll give you what you want, earnestly, honestly, and straight from the heart. What women want is a man who makes them feel chemistry, and when you reduce male-female interactions to a transactional basis, you completely short cut the chemistry.

Lookit, there’s nothing wrong with going to a “gentleman’s club” on the rare occasion (I choose not to frequent them, finding the whole exercise of paying to be teased a complete waste of time and money). That’s not going to turn you into a strip club junkie.

But the more you do things with women on a purely transactional basis, the closer you become to losing the ability and skill to attract them and connect with them.

I’ve known several man who blew tens of thousands of dollars a year on strip clubs and hookers, and none of them could hold a conversation with a real woman. They were “dead,” completely unable to connect.

So, my advice to you is this: avoid things of a purely transactional, money-for-affection, nature with women. Instead, focus on mastering the skill of attraction, and you will experience far more than the richest man in the world without these skills ever will.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

There is no doubt that one of the greatest pop music hits of all time is “Jessie’s Girl,” by Rick Springfield. It was recorded in 1981, yet you mention the name “Jessie’s Girl” to almost anyone today, and they immediately remember the song.

Why was the song so popular, and why does it remain so popular?

The answer is simple: it hits a very basic, raw male nerve, the desire to have the hottest, sexiest woman of all the men you know, and have them be secretly jealous of you. Yet, many men have the perspective of Springfield in the song, being the guy wishing they had “Jessie’s Girl.”

But you don’t want to be that guy. No. And you don’t have to be. If you’re the guy who masters the skill of attraction, you’ll always have Jessie’s girl, always be the object of awe and respect by other men.

When most men see a guy with an extremely attractive woman, they invariably ask themselves, what does he have that I doesn’t? What does she see in him and not me?

It’s a specious question because it ignores the science of attraction. She’s with him because she feels “chemistry” with him, and she’d be with you if she felt “chemistry” for you.

With most men it stops there, and they shrug their shoulders and walk on morosely (or go home and crack their mirror, if you’re familiar with the original video). But for the educated man, that’s where it starts.

As I’ve said many times, the internal feeling of chemistry in women is created by male behavior, ultimately controllable by you. If you want to have Jessie’s girl, behave like “Jessie,” so to speak.

The truth is, there are thousand’s of Jessie’s girls out there, just waiting for a “Jessie” to show up. Many of them settled for someone other than this archetype, but would jump at a chance to be with a “Jessie” when he arrives.

So, that’s what you want to do. You want to become Jessie, so you can get Jessie’s girl. It really is that simple—act like Jessie, behave like Jessie, create attraction like Jessie, and you’ll get Jessie’s girl.

It should be harder, but it really isn’t.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

Would you like to know a secret about beautiful women?

Here it is: many, many stunningly beautiful women sit at home on a Saturday night, wishing they had a date. But they don’t. Why?

The answer is rather shocking: because they haven’t been asked. That’s it. You see, most men think that beautiful women are asked out all the time, and have their choice of dates, but that’s not necessarily so.

Because most men think that beautiful women are inundated with date requests from rich, handsome, famous men, they think they cannot compete with such men, and they don’t ask.

Funny enough, rich, handsome, famous men oftentimes think that beautiful women are inundated for date requests from richer, more handsome, even more famous men, so even they don’t ask.

That’s the paradox of being a beautiful woman. But it is an opportunity for you.

You see, all women, regardless of looks, want the same thing: a man who makes them feel chemistry. That has nothing to do with looks, age or income, it has to do with behavior. Your behavior, which you control.

So, what do you do if you see an extremely sexy women you’d like to spend time with? You talk to her, make her laugh, then say, “hey, let’s continue this another time, another place, how about Saturday night,” and odds are she’ll fall all over herself saying yes.

Why? Two reasons. First off, you are an attractive man, and that is rare to a woman. Women say yes to attractive men. Secondly, you’ll be the only man that’s asked her in a cool way, not in a piggish way or a pleading way (like the nice guys do).

The upshot is, you will have a date with an extremely sexy, and extremely appreciative woman who is used to staying home on a Saturday night, and tired of doing so. It’s no great shakes to get a yes.
Most guys don’t know this secret, so they stand around, secretly wishing they could have a date with a woman who doesn’t have a date. If only they knew what you now know.

But, they don’t, so they’ll have to spend their Saturday nights envying you and the woman they could have had a date with—who is now with you.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

For whatever reason, Valentine’s Day seems to bring out more angst in people than any other holiday. Single women throw “Anti-Valentine’s Day Parties,” secret jealous of their friends in relationships they think are happy, broke guys get bent out of shape because they think they have to buy something, and people in relationships get pissed at each other because their Valentine’s Day was not elaborate enough or too elaborate.

Relax, man. Valentine’s Day is cool.

Think of it as a day to celebrate hot women. Yes, every day is a day to do that, but Valentine’s Day is the best day.

Celebrate it because you’re good with women, you understand them, and other guys don’t. Give the women in your life a gift because you’re a cool dude and you can.

Call all the ladies in your life, and bless them with your presence. They’ll be happy to hear from you.

Talk to more women than usual, and give them the gift of a momentary feeling of attraction, something they can’t get from other men.

Laugh at all the hen pecked husbands and nice guys who don’t understand women, and absolutely refuse to learn the skill of attraction.

Laugh even harder at all the girlie men who are angst ridden over Valentine’s Day because they were either rejected by women, or didn’t get the attention they so desperately crave.

Shake your head at all the fights that happen in public places between couples because they got too drunk, spent more money than they could afford, and turned a celebratory occasion into yet another fight, showing the true colors of their relationship.

If you’re an attractive man in a relationship with a hot woman you chose, celebrate your skill of sustaining attraction in a way other men can’t. I am sure you can figure out how to do this.

The bottom line is, Valentine’s Day is a pain in the ass for the unattractive man. But for the attractive man, Valentine’s Day is cool because it’s a day to celebrate hot women, and being good with women.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII

Saturday night I was in the mood to drink some red wine instead of some whiskey. While I was doing so, I decided to turn on the TV and see what was on.

Nothing cool like “Greatest Tank Battles” or Gold Rush Alaska was on, so I turned to HBO, and stumbled upon a chick flick.

While I don’t especially enjoy them, I will watch one on occasion so I can pay attention to the structure of the story. These movies are aimed at women and succeed or fail based on whether they hold a woman’s interest, so I watch them for educational purposes.

The one I saw on HBO was a movie called “Something Borrowed,” and if you ever wanted to see how not to act as a man, watch that movie. The male lead was a whiney little girlie man, and the movie drifts off into fantasy when the female lead actually responds to his pathetic pleas.

Before I turned it off and was rescued by “Secrets of WWII,” there was a scene that showed a graphic description of what could only be called my worst nightmare.

The whiney girlie man runs into the female lead at bar featuring…a 90’s cover band. Yes, a 90’s cover band. A band that mimics all the whiney alternative songs from the 90’s…badly.

Quite frankly, I can think of nothing worse: a group of lesser whiners imitating a group of whiners, whining more off key than the original whiners. “Turrible, just turrible,” as Charles Barkley would say.

In the movie, of course, the whiney girlie man is helped by the imitation whiner band. But that’s the movies, and that’s a girlie man fantasy. Reality is far different.

Attraction is all about attitude and beliefs. The attractive man is a man who sees what he wants and takes it (by legal means). He is not stopped by what others think, nor does he spend his time whining and pining about that past like the male lead in this movie.

He has no tolerance for whiners, less for imitators, and none for girlie men who live in fantasy land. He knows there is a certain set of behavior that creates it, and one that kills it—and whining kills it.

So should you watch the movie “Something Borrowed” and suffer through an imitation whiner band? You should, but only for a few minutes. It’s the perfect example of how to kill attraction (misrepresented on screen as how to create it) and a perfect example of how not to act, and there’s value in that.

Sadly, Clint Eastwood does not show up to blast the whiner band to bits, nor does David Niven appear to show the female lead how a real man acts. Thank God for remote controls.

On with the fun….

-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc. MMXII